[Note] Many thoughts
There have been so many things happening to our "In 40 years," the project that deals with Israel-Palestinian conflict, that I even have hard time catching up with. From the very beginning when Yael, Ahmad and I initiated this project while we were in the residential program in Italy, we knew that this would be a challenging project because it touches many sensitive issues of the conflict. But this is more than I expected... While it's true that every time people express their doubts/critisism in the project, we engage in meaningful and important discussions, and I guess including all the failings, we need to have strength to consider what we have been going through itself is a part of the project.
I want to put a text here, a documentation of the everyday conversations we had in Italy. It shows our naiveness and confused feelings, and limitations, which you might have difficulty understanding unless you know our process since last June. I put it anyway for my very personal reason.
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Yael: Ahmad, I think we should get married.....
Ahmad: It's not easy at all because it's very tough subject. Imagine when I go back to Palestine, people ask me what I did there, I will be telling them that I got a fake marriage with an Israeli, so come to see it...First they're going to be shocked and then I'll have a lot of arguments with them...
Sakiko: Of course it is possible for Israelis and Palestinians to get married. Why not? Mingling is creating a blood connection. Mingling makes everything inseparable. If politics intervenes into our personal life in a way of authorizing marriage, why not intervene back to politics by getting married and producing as many interracial kids as possible? This may be our strategy to fight against the attempt that separates the sides....
Ahmad: Sakko, you don't understand the reality. You don't know the reality. And that's why you can be so optimistic. And you say that I'm not political enough, but why should I? I am in Italy and away from the sad situation, and I want to enjoy this as much as possible. What's wrong with it?
Sakko: Many people have responded to my projects saying that I should rather deal with the relationship between China and Japan. They say, "Why Israel, why Palestine?" They assume that I am ignorant about the issue and just bringing innocent, stupid idea, trying to make art using someone else's pain. I am fucking outsider. Maybe I should not do this. But I don't believe in patronizing pain. Those who experienced suffering only have right say whatever? What about our ability of imagining? But maybe you are right, I live in peaceful environment, far from the region. If someone tells me that it's none of my business, then what can I do?
Yael: When I started thinking about this project seriously, it became really important for me, because I feel that this is a new door for something that can really happened.
Ahmad: But what do you mean that something can really happen? What do you mean?
Yael: I'm thinking that we should make a wedding ceremony... exploring the differences between my religion and yours, and we start from there. We can go through the process of a negotiation while preparing the ceremony.
Ahmad: I'm far away from religion, I'm not religious, I don't wanna touch it. And if we touch the religion, we will be in trouble.
Sakiko: Why are you trying to explore the difference? Both of you are not religious at all. Where do you wanna go by discovering differences? Plus why is it so important that we have different customs?
Yael: You are trying to neutralize everything. It doesn't work like this. I don't want to lose my religion and culture I inherited.
Sakiko: Why differences so important? Why? Religion, culture all the crappy shits. They are supposed to enrich our lives, bring joy, a sense of collectiveness. But what's happening now is that we are providing "differences" for whoever is in power to manipulate us and cause more pain and fear. All the differences we are supposed to appreciate are causing sufferings, killings, nothing good, maybe only food is good.
Yael: I find an obstacle of wedding very interesting. For me to tell my father or to send my father an invitation is very hard too. I agree with you, Ahmad, you have all the reasons to hate.... We are occupier, we are the bad guys.....But it's like how many times should I say sorry. When is enough? I used to organize the seminars in which young Israelis and Palestinians got together and Israeli participants expressed their apology to Palestinians, but they were never satisfied. I say sorry, but what can I do? I do my best trying to change the Israeli society, but why should I take all the responsibility for everything Israeli government does?
Ahmad: Yael, I told you that this is the first time I'm meeting someone from the other side. You have to understand that meeting you as Israeli, our enemy... it's not that I am not interested in this project. I am not political.
Sakko: I guess it's our problem to assume that someone from Palestine is political. We are making a stereotype and forcing this role of "fighter" or whatever to Palestinians.
Ahmad: Sakko, there are things I cannot talk with Yael. Once I go into the issues, I am scared what would happen. Sure, I trust Yael, I like her, but there is something I have to hold back. You say we should talk about everything. Do you know what everything means?
Yael: For me it's really important that we'll start spending time together in the house...and create whatever we want to create there because this is our opportunity to establish some kind of relationship through the space that we share together. What we've started to do in the house is we started to build a kind of imaginary home....
We can make a contrast between our imaginary world and the reality.
Ahmad: We have to go step by step. Every time we are working together, sometimes the bad angel comes. It's not easy. Sometimes I have this feelings....it's coming up always, so it's not that I'm not interested, it's not that I'm not involved.
Yael: We are not actually in love. We are friends. We say that we use marriage as a strategy, but separating love from marriage is hard. Even for a symbolic act, we are experiencing difficulty. Yes, we are far away from the reality but we are still carrying the reality no matter where we go.
To be continued...
hanare April 29, 2009 03:02 AM